I Love You, Allen
by Elvira Rayne
Summary: As Mana helps Allen grow up he starts to wonder who is really important in his life and starts to regret trying to change Allen into his little brother. In the last few moments of his life, all he wants to do is go back and erase what he'd done to Allen. But, it was already too late for that now...Character Death!Fic. Warning: Spoilers of the 14th!


**SPOILERS ABOUT MANA'S DEATH AND NEAH AND SUCH! Not sure if this is a dedication or not .-. Will of the Abyss - AllenxRoad gave me the idea for this by sending me a link to a very sad mmv and I just had to write it...don't kill me...? My first Character Death!Fic ever...would you mind telling me if I did bad/how bad I did?**

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Mana didn't regret it at first. Meeting a young boy with wild reddish brown hair that hated the world...it only seemed to match perfectly with his plan. To implant Neah's memories inside the boy's head seemed fitting. The boy hated the world in the first place, not to mention he had no life, no friends, no parents. It only seemed natural that Mana would choose the little boy now known as Allen as Neah's host. What should it matter to him that this boy's memory would slowly fade away into nothingness. If it meant that he would finally see his brother again, by god Mana would do it. He would do anything just to be with Neah again. Mana broke away from his thoughts and stared down at the boy who was sobbing at Allen's grave.

It was then that Mana gave him thoughtless advice. It was good advice, yes, but Mana didn't mean any of it for Allen's sake. Allen had to keep walking so that Neah would be able to survive and that he would be able to see his loving brother again. They kept walking for who knows how long. All Mana needed to do was get to the next inn to rest. It was then that he heard cloth against earth that he turned back to see that Allen had collapsed from walking for so long.

"Don't stop, Allen, keep walking...that's the only way to survive." Mana cooed in a comforting voice. Somber gray eyes lifted to meet his own and he was appalled from the sadness deep within them. It was as if the boy had no reason to live anymore. Could a dog really bring such happiness to a boy who worked in the circus? Why were the color of his eyes such a sad and dull color? They reminded him of a rainy day on that of a funeral. _Such a sad boy...hopefully Neah will come back soon and you won't have to suffer anymore..._

But Neah didn't come back soon enough.

Mana didn't know how long it had been since he had first picked up Allen. It seemed like weeks, no months, no, maybe even years since Mana had been waiting for Neah to take over. Yet it never happened. He ended up teaching the boy things that wasn't needed to be taught. All Allen really needed to know was The 14th's Melody, but Mana even found himself teaching the little brunette boy more things. Like how to tie his shoes, how to ride a bike, how to read, how to write, how to cook, and even more than that. He couldn't explain the fuzzy feeling in his stomach when he would watch the boy wake up and help cook breakfast with him. It was an emotion that he hadn't felt in a long time.

It was love.

He didn't want to get attached to the little now-twelve-year-old boy, but it was already too late. He ended up calling Allen's name with more enthusiasm than he could remember. He even let the little boy perform with him. Just seeing Allen's smile light up made him feel all warm inside. It wasn't really a brotherly love that he felt for this little child either. It was something different. It was a bond that no one would be able to break. No matter what happened, the bond could never be severed. What was this kind of love? Mana would wonder. That was when he realized what had happened; he realized what kind of love he harbored for the boy.

Parental love had captured his soul and squeezed it so tightly it would burst if anything bad ever happened to the small boy.

How could such a bond wiggle it's way into his broken heart so easily? No, he wasn't supposed to be attached to the small boy...why, for a boy who hated the world, why would such a boy smile towards him? Why did Allen love him so much? Mana only gave him the necessities to survive, didn't he?...no...the damage was already done. Mana had done the same to Allen as Allen did to him. Allen was a heart broken child just as Mana was. Somehow, their mutual feelings connected through to each other and they ended up understanding each other in a way no parents could ever understand their child. To have someone love you back as a father was the most wonderful feeling in the world...but Mana disregarded such a love and chose his brother over the kind boy.

..and now Mana was going to pay for it in the future.

Lately he was starting to question who was truly more important: Allen or Neah? Was it really worth it to implant such memories into a small boy who actually couldn't understand the cruel world that he lived in? Did Mana truly deserve such happiness after doing something so terrible to a boy so young? What if Neah really _did _come back? What would happen to Allen? Would he disappear? The most terrible event occurred in Mana's mind. An event that he was too horrified to ever be able to erase. Neah talking to him through Allen's body. Through the body of a boy whom Mana taught so well and it wasn't even the boy speaking for himself.

_...what have I done?_

"Hey Mana, what are we going to do today?" The small boy asked with a smile. Mana couldn't help but smile back. He didn't mean to smile, really. It was as if his muscles moved all on their own and smiled at him. It was automatic. He had to smile if only to make Allen forever happy.

"We have to take a carriage to go to the circus." Mana replied lovingly. He picked the small boy up and rested him on his shoulders. Allen simply giggled at the action and pulled at his cheeks.

"The circus? But it's already getting dark, Mana. Look, the bright lights are on!" Allen informed, pointing to a lamp that started to flicker on.

"Yes, it is getting dark indeed, but we need to perform one last time so we can have breakfast tomorrow." Mana replied. Allen rested his chin on the top of Mana's head. The adult could feel the boy smiling through his chin.

"Okay! Sounds fun!" Allen cheered. "Hey, Mana, I can walk on my own now. Let me down!" He commanded playfully.

"Alright, alright, here we go." Mana lifted the small weight off of his shoulders and placed the boy firmly on the ground. Allen spread his arms out wide like he was an airplane and put them down when he was firmly on the ground. He looked up at Mana and smiled as they crossed the street. There was no sign of a carriage so it must have been safe. Mana followed him suite with a smile that matched Allen's. It wasn't a fake smile at all. It was a true, serene smile.

The happiness that was once in the air faded in the blink of an eye.

All Mana could hear were the cries of horses. He looked to his left and saw a carriage speeding right for the boy in front of him. It took all he had to be able to make it in time-just barely-and by then, all he could feel was a stinging pain throughout his body. He managed to push Allen away from the carriage and the boy had tumbled to the ground painfully. Mana had only closed his eyes for a second and his entire world faded to black. He could only hear Allen's cries reaching out to him and nothing else. When he opened his eyes again, he was met with those gray eyes that he stared into countless times before. They used to always looks so sad.

Now they were desperately worried. Mana didn't want to see such a sad expression on Allen's face. He wanted to see his son happy like every other day before. He wanted to see Allen smiling at him in the way that would brighten up his world like it always did. He didn't want Allen to be in pain, he wanted the boy to be forever happy; even if he was not there to watch him be happy. Mana had lost sight of his original objective of reviving his brother. His only goal now was that his little boy to be happy. He didn't want it to end like this, he wanted to have more fun acts with him, he wanted to have breakfast with him every morning and most importantly...

...he wanted to watch Allen grow up.

Mana could feel the pain spreading all throughout his body. He knew that he wouldn't last much longer and he could only fear what was to happen to Allen after he had gone away. Neah would surely come back eventually and he would see Allen again. He would definitely see the boy he loved so much again...right? Did he even deserve to see such a kind boy? After all that he'd done to Allen, why should he be able to see him again...? No, Mana didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to see this boy's smile.

"Mana! Mana!" The pitiful boy cried out. "Don't...don't die...please, Mana!" He sobbed, his tears trailing down Mana's face as they fell from his own. Mana felt his own eyes start to water at the sight of the boy.

"Allen...you must keep on walking and never stop..." Mana whispered the words that now meant more than anything in this world. Those very same words were whispered to Allen on the first day they met.

"No, Mana! I want...to walk with you!" His eyesight was becoming blurry with the tears he refused to let go of. He couldn't put such a burden on a boy at such a young age. Maybe if he didn't cry, Allen wouldn't be as sad.

The words now had a whole new meaning as he whispered them to the little boy sobbing in front of him. Why had such words that had no meaning before have such an impact now? He only met Allen so that he could reawaken his little brother, Neah. That's all he ever needed Allen for...but now it was different. It was important for Allen to hear these words. As Mana came to the results of who he wanted to love more, he found himself in a miserable mess of loneliness. He did something that he was never supposed to do in the first place with the little boy he met on the side of the road.

He became too attached.

So attached that near the end of his life, he wanted to desperately remove the memories of Neah from the poor boy's head. But it was too late. Mana messed up and there was no way Allen would ever forgive him when Cross told him the truth. Then again, Mana didn't deserve to be forgiven. He didn't deserve these tears Allen was crying for him. He didn't deserve Allen's love. In the end, he guessed it didn't matter anymore. What's past is past and no one will be able to change that. He could only hope that Allen would keep on walking for his sake. His world started fading to black and he knew that his time here was done. If only there was something he could say to his son that would help him. If only there were just a few words that could explain how much he truly, deeply loved the boy. There were not so many though...Mana could only come up with four.

"I love you, Allen..."


End file.
